If you ask me what I want most right now, I'll tell you I want to live in the same place with my guy. I want to be on the same side of the planet, in the same city, in the same apartment. I want to spend my days with him.
During the past couple of weeks, he has talked with a couple of hiring managers within our company in the US, as well as having a follow-up chat with HR about his interest in the positions. Of the two positions he's heard about so far, the one he is more interested in is in Chicago, so he will likely proceed with interviews for it.
It would be perfect, right? Since I'm in Chicago, and he might get to join me here?
But I don't feel very excited - I feel anxious. Partly it's just, whoa...this could really, actually be happening. I'm uneasy about the transition from the difficulties of an ultra-long distance relationship to the challenges of a live-in partnership. It sounds like a nice set of challenges to have, considering the fantastic scenario in which we get to be together in the same place indefinitely. But every step toward a real, long term commitment will be both thrilling and terrifying for me, following on the past couple of really transformative years.
The other part of my anxiety comes from staying in Chicago. I guess I just got used to the idea that we'd probably both be relocating, and I was looking forward to starting over together in a place that would be new to both of us. If he comes here, my home for the past 8 years and the stage for a lot of the past I've been working on leaving behind, then I'll have to adjust to staying put and having him become part of my life here. I know we can find ways to make it new and make it ours together, but the emotional reaction I've been having to the idea of staying is tipped way more toward disappointed not to get to relocate than it is toward relieved not to have to move again.
Nothing is certain at this point, so really I shouldn't be so worried yet. But just the possibility has got me feeling anxious.
During the past couple of weeks, he has talked with a couple of hiring managers within our company in the US, as well as having a follow-up chat with HR about his interest in the positions. Of the two positions he's heard about so far, the one he is more interested in is in Chicago, so he will likely proceed with interviews for it.
It would be perfect, right? Since I'm in Chicago, and he might get to join me here?
But I don't feel very excited - I feel anxious. Partly it's just, whoa...this could really, actually be happening. I'm uneasy about the transition from the difficulties of an ultra-long distance relationship to the challenges of a live-in partnership. It sounds like a nice set of challenges to have, considering the fantastic scenario in which we get to be together in the same place indefinitely. But every step toward a real, long term commitment will be both thrilling and terrifying for me, following on the past couple of really transformative years.
The other part of my anxiety comes from staying in Chicago. I guess I just got used to the idea that we'd probably both be relocating, and I was looking forward to starting over together in a place that would be new to both of us. If he comes here, my home for the past 8 years and the stage for a lot of the past I've been working on leaving behind, then I'll have to adjust to staying put and having him become part of my life here. I know we can find ways to make it new and make it ours together, but the emotional reaction I've been having to the idea of staying is tipped way more toward disappointed not to get to relocate than it is toward relieved not to have to move again.
Nothing is certain at this point, so really I shouldn't be so worried yet. But just the possibility has got me feeling anxious.
No comments:
Post a Comment