I've had a lot of solo at-home time this weekend, which is not totally out of the ordinary for me, but it was magnified by my Saturday plans falling through and an inexplicably sore foot that kept me on my butt more than I'd have preferred, rather than out enjoying the weather and thrift shopping, among other things. This morning, I did get out for a walk, and it was wonderful - in the low 50s, but without the wind that's been around for the past few days and with plenty of sunshine. As I walked, I saw so many people out with their dogs and their little kids, running on the beach, walking on the sidewalks, and playing in the parks. I enjoyed seeing them, but it also made me wish I could be with someone I care about just as much on such a lovely spring Sunday morning. I feel pretty isolated, without any real closeness or connection that I experience on a daily basis. I know I've been away a lot, but even without that, I think the situation would be similar.
When I first moved into an apartment by myself a couple of years ago, I knew that I was changing lifestyles and would be spending more time on my own. I just sort of accepted it as a matter of fact, something I'd have to get used to. But now, I think there's something not working right in the way that I live, and I think it stems from how much of American society functions. Overwhelmingly, we are individualistic and think that each person should be free to pursue happiness according to their own definition and using their own means. And I tend to be very independent-minded and resistant to any feeling that I'm being guided or coerced against my will - I wouldn't want society to be such an overbearing force that my or anyone else's individualism would be stifled. But I think we are at the other end of the spectrum from that - our political debates often seem to me to boil down to, how much do we think people are entitled to do as they wish, without any necessary regard for others or sense of being connected as a society? And we tend heavily toward the conclusion that everyone should do what they want as long as it can't be said to actually harm others - to some degree, the ethical consumer movements (organic, fair trade, local, etc.), which I've been a fan of for years, are aimed at "do no harm", and not a sense of responsibility to actively do something good. There can be a big effect from people doing the same basic things in better ways (e.g. we all have to eat, and there are better and worse ways to do that). But there's part of me that would really love to see us more at ease with interacting with each other, face to face, connecting with people in our community, and focused on creating rather than just consuming better.
The city is a tough place for this, but it's not just urban-ness that creates social distance and anonymity. Having spent a lot of time in Mumbai, which is uber-urban, there is much more of a sense of connection with friends and family among people I've met there. I find myself sitting home, ridiculously Googling community organizations in my neighborhood, because I'm not aware of that much of what's here and I don't know an actual human being to ask in order to find out. And it freaks me out a bit to be looking for such basic information and considering showing up somewhere that's part of my neighborhood but where I still know nobody. It doesn't help motivate me that I'm not sure how much longer I'll even be here. But ultimately, I know that I won't be happy in the long term if I don't have a meaningful connection to where I live, both on a local level and I hope globally as well. I watched a documentary tonight, "Happy", which only reinforced what I already knew, that the corporate salary and all the things it enables me to acquire is woefully insufficient to make me happy - I need the connection with other people, and that's what will give me a real sense of purpose. Boy, do I miss my guy these days...when I'm with him, he's like my family, and I feel like the whole world expands around us together.
I know this has been all over the place, but to finish, I'll go back to politics for a moment. I can't help thinking that maybe part of the reason that the American Democratic policies of social spending have a reputation of being wasteful or at least inefficient is that we just don't have a national ideology of compassion. It's all about individual effort and responsibility, which comes with opportunity but also with competitiveness and self-seeking - that's the basis of capitalism. So in that sense, I think capitalism needs to be regulated so that it doesn't undermine our basic human compassion, because it's bound to make us less happy and for me, that defeats the entire purpose of the free market of exchange to begin with. The ways in which government spending is actually wasteful or inefficient should be fixed, but they should also be reinforced by the strengthening of our sense of connection to each other, so that we aren't just blindly throwing money at people to try to solve their problems but really engaging with them as fellow humans.
And with that, the rambling and sermonizing are done for the evening.
When I first moved into an apartment by myself a couple of years ago, I knew that I was changing lifestyles and would be spending more time on my own. I just sort of accepted it as a matter of fact, something I'd have to get used to. But now, I think there's something not working right in the way that I live, and I think it stems from how much of American society functions. Overwhelmingly, we are individualistic and think that each person should be free to pursue happiness according to their own definition and using their own means. And I tend to be very independent-minded and resistant to any feeling that I'm being guided or coerced against my will - I wouldn't want society to be such an overbearing force that my or anyone else's individualism would be stifled. But I think we are at the other end of the spectrum from that - our political debates often seem to me to boil down to, how much do we think people are entitled to do as they wish, without any necessary regard for others or sense of being connected as a society? And we tend heavily toward the conclusion that everyone should do what they want as long as it can't be said to actually harm others - to some degree, the ethical consumer movements (organic, fair trade, local, etc.), which I've been a fan of for years, are aimed at "do no harm", and not a sense of responsibility to actively do something good. There can be a big effect from people doing the same basic things in better ways (e.g. we all have to eat, and there are better and worse ways to do that). But there's part of me that would really love to see us more at ease with interacting with each other, face to face, connecting with people in our community, and focused on creating rather than just consuming better.
The city is a tough place for this, but it's not just urban-ness that creates social distance and anonymity. Having spent a lot of time in Mumbai, which is uber-urban, there is much more of a sense of connection with friends and family among people I've met there. I find myself sitting home, ridiculously Googling community organizations in my neighborhood, because I'm not aware of that much of what's here and I don't know an actual human being to ask in order to find out. And it freaks me out a bit to be looking for such basic information and considering showing up somewhere that's part of my neighborhood but where I still know nobody. It doesn't help motivate me that I'm not sure how much longer I'll even be here. But ultimately, I know that I won't be happy in the long term if I don't have a meaningful connection to where I live, both on a local level and I hope globally as well. I watched a documentary tonight, "Happy", which only reinforced what I already knew, that the corporate salary and all the things it enables me to acquire is woefully insufficient to make me happy - I need the connection with other people, and that's what will give me a real sense of purpose. Boy, do I miss my guy these days...when I'm with him, he's like my family, and I feel like the whole world expands around us together.
I know this has been all over the place, but to finish, I'll go back to politics for a moment. I can't help thinking that maybe part of the reason that the American Democratic policies of social spending have a reputation of being wasteful or at least inefficient is that we just don't have a national ideology of compassion. It's all about individual effort and responsibility, which comes with opportunity but also with competitiveness and self-seeking - that's the basis of capitalism. So in that sense, I think capitalism needs to be regulated so that it doesn't undermine our basic human compassion, because it's bound to make us less happy and for me, that defeats the entire purpose of the free market of exchange to begin with. The ways in which government spending is actually wasteful or inefficient should be fixed, but they should also be reinforced by the strengthening of our sense of connection to each other, so that we aren't just blindly throwing money at people to try to solve their problems but really engaging with them as fellow humans.
And with that, the rambling and sermonizing are done for the evening.
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