I've had a hard time over the past week since my guy left and I've been on my own. I've been feeling kind of bad about myself, wondering why I have such a limited social life and don't feel like I have much going for me here. And then today, in the midst of an other bout of self pity, I realized just how many things have gotten me to here:
1. Divorce. Yes, it's been over a year since the divorce was finalized, but it's not just the divorce, but having been married for a while that led to me not hanging out with friends that often - evenings and weekends were mainly time spent with my ex and at times also his family in the area. So my friends from before my marriage adapted to the low-frequency get-togethers, and they also had plenty going on in their own lives to keep them busy (relationships, school, etc.)
2. Travel. I was in India during January of this year, in addition the 5 months I spent there from May through September. So I've not really been around much, at least not consistently, so I've had a hard time staying in touch with friends here in Chicago (and admittedly I was not great at making a point to email and Skype from India, either). Being away so much has also had the effect of keeping me in a perpetual state of adjustment, which makes social life less natural and comfortable than it might otherwise be. And of course, any hobbies, classes, etc. that I might have signed up for had I been here did not happen.
3. Life changes. One of my key social activities used to be my weekly small group Bible study, but that ended last year and I only see one friend from that group regularly, though I do see a few others occasionally. All of us have been through life changes, too - moving, getting married, having kids. To a large extent, we have grown apart as we've gone down our own paths.
4. Discouragement. Last year, after I'd separated from my ex and moved into my own apartment, I found a group on Meetup.com that seemed fun and quirky, and I tried going. The first event was fun, a scavenger hunt at the Art Institute, but the next event was awkward. It was a trip to an annual holiday craft sale, and only two other people came -- they were regulars with the group, and they seemed to feel a little uncomfortable with a lone newcomer there. I also signed up for a screen printing class earlier this year, which was cool, but the one person from the class with whom I had an actual conversation, who also lived near me and seemed to have some shared interests, didn't end up coming back again on the same nights that I was there, so that sort of ended before it started. These kinds of thing probably affect me too much - but I really hate going and trying to befriend strangers. I've never made any friends outside of school and friends of friends, so I find the blind date approach to friendship incredibly uncomfortable to begin with, and when it doesn't go well it feels particularly grim.
It's clear to me that I need new friends, but making them doesn't come very easily to me, and when I'm depressed, it's extra hard to get motivated to start. I know I'll keep trying, but I'm not really having a great time in the process.
1. Divorce. Yes, it's been over a year since the divorce was finalized, but it's not just the divorce, but having been married for a while that led to me not hanging out with friends that often - evenings and weekends were mainly time spent with my ex and at times also his family in the area. So my friends from before my marriage adapted to the low-frequency get-togethers, and they also had plenty going on in their own lives to keep them busy (relationships, school, etc.)
2. Travel. I was in India during January of this year, in addition the 5 months I spent there from May through September. So I've not really been around much, at least not consistently, so I've had a hard time staying in touch with friends here in Chicago (and admittedly I was not great at making a point to email and Skype from India, either). Being away so much has also had the effect of keeping me in a perpetual state of adjustment, which makes social life less natural and comfortable than it might otherwise be. And of course, any hobbies, classes, etc. that I might have signed up for had I been here did not happen.
3. Life changes. One of my key social activities used to be my weekly small group Bible study, but that ended last year and I only see one friend from that group regularly, though I do see a few others occasionally. All of us have been through life changes, too - moving, getting married, having kids. To a large extent, we have grown apart as we've gone down our own paths.
4. Discouragement. Last year, after I'd separated from my ex and moved into my own apartment, I found a group on Meetup.com that seemed fun and quirky, and I tried going. The first event was fun, a scavenger hunt at the Art Institute, but the next event was awkward. It was a trip to an annual holiday craft sale, and only two other people came -- they were regulars with the group, and they seemed to feel a little uncomfortable with a lone newcomer there. I also signed up for a screen printing class earlier this year, which was cool, but the one person from the class with whom I had an actual conversation, who also lived near me and seemed to have some shared interests, didn't end up coming back again on the same nights that I was there, so that sort of ended before it started. These kinds of thing probably affect me too much - but I really hate going and trying to befriend strangers. I've never made any friends outside of school and friends of friends, so I find the blind date approach to friendship incredibly uncomfortable to begin with, and when it doesn't go well it feels particularly grim.
It's clear to me that I need new friends, but making them doesn't come very easily to me, and when I'm depressed, it's extra hard to get motivated to start. I know I'll keep trying, but I'm not really having a great time in the process.
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