My last blog post put a positive spin on the struggles of being in an ultra-long distance relationship. Today I am not feeling so optimistic. I'm wondering what on earth I'm doing, doubting my ability to endure a long separation when what we most need is time to get closer across our differences in cultures and personalities. I want to get on with it, to progress and grow together, not put things on idle and get on with it a year or two down the road. What even happens between now and then? It feels like I have to make some hard, rational decisions about things that are close to my heart, and it sucks.
A colleague of mine, also a nerdy researcher, told me to think of it like a conjoint exercise - basically decide how much each option matters to me (location, career, relationship) and then make a decision by picking the feasible combination with the highest value. Not so sure that one is going to help me, but I have been realizing how highly I value this relationship. Truly, I think that though I want a meaningful career in which I'm contributing to something I care about, I don't want it to be something that takes so much of my time that it's a struggle to find time for relationships and trying out new things as well. I want a job that I'm good at that is important to me, but I don't want it to be all-consuming. My company used to offer the option to buy an extra week of vacation, and I always said I'd buy as many weeks as they would let me -- my non-work time is extremely important to me, more so than a certain amount of extra cash flow. So I want to prioritize this relationship, but I'm not sure if it's even possible. I tried living in Mumbai, and while there are things that I will always be fond of about that city, it is a trying place in which to live everyday life. A lot of it is the horrible balance of work vs. the rest of life that took over while I was there -- so even when I'm there, near to my guy, the time for relaxing or doing things together was limited. So now I'm back in a less stressful place, with more personal time, and I'm alone. It's incredibly frustrating.
Maybe there is some solution that I haven't thought of yet, some way to speed up the process of getting to the same place or some location that would be good for both of us personally. I don't know...and I'm not sure how long I can wait to know.
A colleague of mine, also a nerdy researcher, told me to think of it like a conjoint exercise - basically decide how much each option matters to me (location, career, relationship) and then make a decision by picking the feasible combination with the highest value. Not so sure that one is going to help me, but I have been realizing how highly I value this relationship. Truly, I think that though I want a meaningful career in which I'm contributing to something I care about, I don't want it to be something that takes so much of my time that it's a struggle to find time for relationships and trying out new things as well. I want a job that I'm good at that is important to me, but I don't want it to be all-consuming. My company used to offer the option to buy an extra week of vacation, and I always said I'd buy as many weeks as they would let me -- my non-work time is extremely important to me, more so than a certain amount of extra cash flow. So I want to prioritize this relationship, but I'm not sure if it's even possible. I tried living in Mumbai, and while there are things that I will always be fond of about that city, it is a trying place in which to live everyday life. A lot of it is the horrible balance of work vs. the rest of life that took over while I was there -- so even when I'm there, near to my guy, the time for relaxing or doing things together was limited. So now I'm back in a less stressful place, with more personal time, and I'm alone. It's incredibly frustrating.
Maybe there is some solution that I haven't thought of yet, some way to speed up the process of getting to the same place or some location that would be good for both of us personally. I don't know...and I'm not sure how long I can wait to know.
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