It's not that relationships have nothing to do with goals -- we can have goals within our relationships, but relationships at their core are not aimed toward achievement. I think this contributes to the difficulty I have understanding why on earth they happen and how they hold together over time. Even relationships with long term promise and commitment can really only exist in the present, when the people in the relationship are, well, relating. And because I'm so goal oriented and really get a buzz from learning new things, I have a difficult time sustaining attention and engagement with now. I don't notice the joy in the increasingly familiar, the deeper view of an enduring and repeating pattern, because I am anticipating the broadening of my experience.
I'd like to appreciate the unspectacular more that I do now, partly because I want to be in a relationship that lasts through the unspectacular moments (which, to me, are often worse than conflict), partly because I think there's wisdom in improving our eyes to better see things in our immediate vicinity and experience each moment with awareness. I want contentment without settling, and I think the path toward that isn't so much onward and upward as it is inward.
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