Holding on

I'm in a state of mind that I wish I could hold onto -- calm, unworried, optimistic, happy. The kind of mood that comes after a great conversation over dinner and a nice walk home in the unseasonably warm weather on shiny wet sidewalks that are reflecting lights from stores, houses, and streetlights.

But I know that trying to hold onto this mood is futile. This moment is now, and this is when I get to enjoy it. It's when we stop to think, "I just want to find a way to keep this, to hold onto it", that it vanishes. We can't hoard life. Very frustrating for those of us who want some control and assurance.

This line of thought made me think of the verse (and it turns out that it's actually many verses, repeated throughout the gospels), "Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it" (Luke 17:33). This is said with reference to the story of Lot's wife, who looked back on the life she was leaving behind and as a result was doomed. Perhaps a bit of a creepy story, but the idea that it's wrong for us to live looking back as what we've had up to now makes for an important lesson. I spend so much time planning and analyzing that I forget to enjoy the moment.

So tonight, I'm going to enjoy this, knowing that the moment won't last long but it's all I have right now, and that's a lot to be grateful for.