This morning was one of the not-so-great ones that I've come to know will be but somehow still never quite expect. If I didn't have such wonderful people in my life, people who teach me the meaning of grace, that most undeserved sort of love and acceptance...well, I think I might not make it through such mornings. I have been feeling the weight of myself, of my decisions and their impacts on people I care about. Not for the first time, certainly, it's not like I'm just now realizing the impacts...I carry these things with me all the time. I own them. And I am learning what it means to own them, to be the person making the decisions and really bear the weight of the decisions -- it affects me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I think for too long I've sort of acted as a bystander to my own will and emotions, without really owning the situation I'm in and my role in creating and sustaining it. I'm trying to change, and it's haaaaard. But what can I do but keep trying?
1 comment:
I don't have much to say except this is so beautifully written. Just had to tell you that.
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