Tomorrow I move out, and in the hassle and rush of packing I've been coming across things from the past, mostly small things, that are mementos of a relationship that's ending. And even though I'm the one ending it, even though I decided to do this, it's really sad. And it's not something I'm doing without any doubt. I think a decision of this magnitude is something that few people, if any, could make with total certitude. But I've made it in moments of clarity, as far away as they may seem now, and now I'm trying to get through this part where I follow through and put the choice into action.
Oddly, the hardest part of today has been just sitting on the couch and watching TV tonight -- with Mark. There have been a few times when we've looked at each other, and the sadness is overwhelming. I know we're both sort of amazed that this is really happening.
In all of this, in the midst of the doubt and fear, I'm trying to remember the hope that I have for the future. It's hard to keep in sight just now, but I do believe that both of us are going to get through this and have happy lives.
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