Emotions

I've always been pretty extraordinarily terrible at processing how I feel, or really even allowing myself to feel the way that I do. As a matter of pride and as a matter of personality, I tend to keep a rational exterior, even when there's a storm brewing underneath. When I am upset, it often comes out as an angry outburst or tirade that is easy to brush off later.

So I've been trying to be more aware of my emotional experience of life lately. I'm trying to accept my emotions as a legitimate way to experience the world. I still try to stuff them through the rational lens a lot of the time, but I'm at least not allowing my rational side to decide I'm ridiculous for feeling the way that I do. So often I have felt something deep and real and then decided I was overreacting and ignored it. Or I have failed to recognize a nagging ache until it becomes a major crisis. But if I stop and listen to myself, the emotional me is actually really smart, quite often smarter than the rational me. I need to take time to be silent and rest, and it's amazing what truth can surface when I do that.