Healthy Lifestyles Response Pack

In the mail today there was an envelope addressed to me (not "current resident") with a picture of a couple who look perhaps 60 and the heading, "Healthy Lifestyles Response Pack." I was intrigued, so I tore the envelope open and rifled through the contents. Inside, there were a whopping 41 postcard-sized ads, most of which were for health & wellness related products, with a heavy skew toward the geriatric. There were a few things that stood out that I thought I'd share, as a break from my typical rants.

The first thing I pulled out was a card headed with the question, "How do the Japanese Manage to Stay Healthy During the Flu Season?" (A couple of immediate questions from me: Do the Japanese really manage to stay healthy during the flu season? If so, how do they manage it?) The answer, according to the card, is that "They Take AHCC!" Apparently, AHCC is "a blend of Japanese medicinal mushrooms..." Yeah...who wouldn't feel great during flu season with some medicinal mushrooms?

The other one that really got me was the one for the Vacurect, a Vacuum Erection Device (VED) that the card informed me "is unlike conventional VED's. The Vacurect is a very compact, one-piece, easy-to-use system." Who knew such a thing existed? And it's manufactured by a company called Bonro. Subtle. http://www.bonro.com/shop

In the midst of all of the health-related ads, there were a few that were a bit out of place: a coupon for 50 cents off Egg-land's Best eggs, an offer for a complete set of all 50 state quarters, and a plug for DirecTV packages. I'd think that last one would run counter to the health & wellness theme...

Random blog post, yes. But an even more random piece of mail...

I think, therefore I freak out

Lately I've been wrestling with a lot of serious thoughts about life and meaning. I took a trip to Mumbai in August for work, just for a week, and came back feeling like something had shaken loose in me -- I didn't want to come back to my life as usual, and the thought of "back to normal" induced some serious panic and depression. In the couple months since returning, I've continued to feel really off-balance, and have spent a lot of time thinking about what it is I want, what I value, and where I might be headed. Yeah, so I've been incredibly self-absorbed.

What I've been finding, though, as I talk to other people who are in the 30-give-or-take-a-few-years crowd, is that many of us are experiencing this sort of crisis of meaning. It seems that in the course of our early lives, up through our early 20s, we are propelled almost involuntarily through a charted course with clear next steps. There was always something to look forward to that we didn't really have to discern ourselves -- going to school, proceeding to college and/or a job, dating, marriage, kids. But now that we're finding ourselves at a point in which these things, or most of them, are in our hands or imminent, and the rest our lives are looking both monotonous and unsettlingly open-ended. For some reason, we didn't realize this would happen, even though it seems obvious to me when I look at it now that it was always going to. Maybe we're set up early to believe in a tidy version of the future, in which we have everything on this sort of checklist of life and are content with exactly that. But in fact, we all want more than what's on the list, and we're now responsible for our own happiness. All of the beginnings and endings of things are decisions we make, not things that are structured for us. Newness and progress are not things thrust upon us automatically, and the routine of life can weigh upon us. I'm struggling to find the ingenuity to find a good answer to "what's next?" -- as well as to a host of other questions, like "why?" and "seriously, this is it?" I think I'll make it through okay eventually, but it's difficult to continue with day-to-day life in the meantime while wrestling with these bigger questions.

Trying to keep perspective

It's been a loooong time since the last time I wrote.  Partly it's facebook consuming my online time, partly it's work, partly it's that I haven't felt super inspired to write.  But in any case, I'm back, at least for a few moments.

The last time I wrote, back in May, I wrote about the principles I try to live by.  This is particularly striking because lately I've been struggling with my principles and the ways in which I fall short of them in ways I never thought I would.  It's something that challenges my self-image and my paradigm, which is difficult to cope with, but it's also something that's teaching me about what it means to be human and take part in the risky experiment that is life.  The result of this struggle right now is depression, but I'm hopeful that this will ultimately be another time I'll look to and think, "Thank God that's over," and, "but I'm so glad I went through that."  I had another trying time 5-6 years ago that I feel that way about, now that I have emerged from it and can look back -- I ended up learning a lot about myself and making a lot of connections about life in general that I value immeasurably.  In the end, we're the woven-together product of all of our experiences, millions of different things all bound up and banging up against each other inside one body.

Principles

Lately I've been on one of my "rage against the machine" streaks, feeling frustrated by the way society functions (or fails to).  I think what it comes down to is that we as humans are generally short-sighted creatures, and I think that's the cause of most (if not all) of our major problems.  Rather than rail on things (which I tend to do, and fortunately Mark is a patient listener and empathizes with my frustration), I thought I'd do something more productive and list out some of the principles I think it's essential for us to strive to abide by - a first stab at my life philosophy.

1. Zoom out and think beyond your current situation.  Basically, keep in mind what's really important.  Desire can be strong and compelling, but if unchecked it can lead us to make choices that hurt us and the people around us (and even the people not-so-close to us as well).  Think about long-term impacts, not only short-term pleasures.

2. Consume only what you really need.  This applies to food, energy, and possessions/purchases of all kinds.  We're living with finite resources, and most of us in America already have a lot and aren't getting any happier with more (in fact, we become less happy if we consume as a drug).  Take stock of how much you have and how much you spend -- question your motives for buying.

3. Consider others before yourself, or at least give others as much consideration as you do yourself.  When we do consume and buy, the resources we are using came from someone, somewhere.  At the very least, we should use resources that help sustain the people and places that produced them, rather than exploit and deplete them.  

4.  When calculating price, think beyond your own checkbook.  Deep discounts in retail stores save us money in the short run, but they may have a heavy cost to the people who work in those stores (they may be undercompensated and lack necessary benefits), the people at each step back in the supply chain, and the broader  environment.  If something looks like a fantastic deal for you, you should question what kind of deal it is for others involved.  Remember that you vote with your dollar for the kind of world you're opting to live in.

5.  Question yourself when you find reasons why it's not possible to live by your own stated principles.  Your priorities are revealed by your actions, not by your thoughts, words, and intentions.  Hold yourself to a high standard, challenge yourself, and surround yourself with people who will reinforce this in you.

6.  Be open-minded, and be willing to be out of step with the people around you.  If there is a change you need to make, don't be afraid to make it.  It can be discouraging and even lonely at times, but it's also empowering and incredibly rewarding to live consciously the way that you think you should.  And if you are in touch with other people striving to do the same thing, you'll find community there.

I think that's about it at this point.  I'm sure this list will evolve as time goes on, but for now I think it covers the things that I find most important.  Hopefully it's food for thought for my wealth of blog followers. :-P

Out of control

This past week I spent four solid days with an incredibly smart French man who owns a company that designs custom computer programs to improve business processes, because he is currently helping my company build just such a thing, and I'm coordinating this with him. (I stay vague when setting the scene because my job doesn't make good reading or conversation.) It was quickly evident that he is the most direct and outspoken person I've met, which is a fantastic quality and an incredibly irritating one in turn, depending on your frame of mind at the time. Unexpectedly, through the course of our conversation on day 4, I mentioned my paralyzing fear when flying, and he suggested that I might have an issue with being out of control. It sounds so cliche, and I've thought of this explanation before, but somehow when he suggested it, it really clicked in my brain. And as I kept reflecting more, I think that a deep fear of getting myself into situations where I don't control my own circumstances and my destiny isn't clear explains a lot about how I live my life. When I think about it rationally, I know I control very little in the scheme of things, but rationalizing has never helped me banish fear. I'm not happy with this characteristic of myself...and I'm not sure what to do about it...but it's on my mind and I'm hoping that now that I am aware, I can change the way I make my decisions.

Incommunicado

Work has been really, really busy lately. The details are not all that interesting, but the result is that on weekends I am often so emailed-out that I find myself dreading my Hotmail almost as much as my work mail. And I inevitably do this thing where some message (or messages) ends up marked as unread perpetually because I want to save it for a time when I have the energy to really put together a reply that is human and engaged. It's disturbing to me that sometimes that whole "human and engaged" time just never rolls around. I'm sorry to anyone whose emails are languishing in my inbox.

Another post, because the other one had such a cohesive theme

Also, just some tidbits from of-late:

Work is very busy, but I've been in a great mood this weekend nonetheless. The first taste of springtime and sunlight are great.

Toffee is one of my favorite treats. Sugar + butter, at times applied to nuts, at times coated in chocolate. Brilliant. We bought some yesterday "to share with company"...after which I half-heartedly lobbied to eat it all right away. I got some toffee peanuts instead and the gourmet toffee has survived.

Things involving vinegar (pickles, mustard) are also awesome. As are fruits of all sorts, as are tacos, pizza, and taco pizza. I'm going to make a pineapple upside down cake today for dessert after a dinner of tacos tonight. We'll also eat toffee at some point, and maybe also drink some margaritas. (Because we're having company.) It's going to be a good food day.

There are some great small furniture shops in Andersonville, many with vintage stuff. There is a set of six silver lockers (two high by three across) in one of the shops, and it is magnificent. The doors all open smoothly like they've been recently oiled (they most likely have). I'm trying to justify buying this set of lockers...where can it go, what can it hold? I have to see our new place again first.

Lately I've really enjoyed the new show, "Lie to Me". It's really interesting, and I think it's worth checking out if you haven't yet.

The old apartment

I'm trying to come to terms with the reality that we're moving next month. Six more weeks, then a new place to live, never to see the old place again. So I've had the Barenaked Ladies song, "The Old Apartment", stuck in my head a lot lately. Some things that I'll miss about this place:

Seeing "dinosaur dog", the giant schnauser who lives behind us across the alley, from our back kitchen window. Since we moved in he acquired a look-alike companion.

Windows on all four sides, since it's a full flat. The plants love this.

The original dark-stained woodwork on all of the windows and around the living room.

The fireplace that looks quite unauthentic with its knob and fake logs, but that keeps us toasty in winter.

The Halloween parade of adorable children to give candy to.

The adorable children who live downstairs.

To be continued...

A happier post

So lately I've felt like I should blog, but mainly I've just been working a lot, which doesn't so much make for interesting reading (or writing). But I'm going to try now, and I'll also try not to rant as I often do in my blogs. :)

There are some things I'm excited about at the moment:

• Seeing my family in a couple weeks -- my sister, bro-in-law, and niece are repatriating to Illinois from Texas, and we'll get to celebrate my nephew's and mom's birthdays together.
• Going to see a new apartment that is a little bit smaller than our current place tomorrow -- we wanted to move last year to someplace smaller and hopefully also cheaper, but after looking at one place that was extremely disappointing, we gave up and re-signed for our current place. This year, the place we're going to see sounds awesome (a condo whose owners are moving to California). Let's hope it is.
• I'm YouTubing Mary J. Blige right now. Fun!
• Valentine's Day with Mark was really, really nice. We did a lot of chatting throughout the day (which in a marriage of two introverts isn't all that common) and caught up on all the latest details of life (which in a marriage of two intuitives don't always get shared) and thought about the future a little, too. Dinner was delicious -- we ate at a "rustic Italian" restaurant called Anteprima in Andersonville, and the cocktails and food were amazing.
• The Brown Elephant resale shop in Andersonville is my go-to place for pants. I almost always find a pair when I go in, and yesterday I got 2 pairs for $10. It's cheap, and it's also ethical, which makes me happy.

I'm really not a big jerk, for the most part

Most people with whom I spend any time at all probably know how fascinated I am by personality type, in particular the Myers-Briggs type indicator. It has helped shed some light on my tendencies and the relationships in my life, especially the most difficult and strained relationships. Sometimes people are naturally predisposed in ways that makes it hard to understand how each is not intentionally being the way they are for the purpose of making the other insane. But I've worked to accept that this incomprehensibility is part of life, and in fact it's actually pretty valuable to have people coming from drastically different angles to bring some balance to the world. My current trouble is that not everyone appreciates or even feels inclined to tolerate this diversity, and in fact some are not particularly fond of my personality in particular. My self image doesn't really depend on this approval, but it's still hurtful when I feel essentially rejected. So to indulge myself, a couple of clarifications (yes, those are bullet points):

• On being "different," when the word is used euphemistically - I'm not different from people for the sake of difference alone. When I'm different, it is because I don't like taking things for granted or on someone else's authority. I evaluate, then decide...and this sometimes leads to decisions that are not mainstream.
• On being "analytical," when the word is used as a synonym for "insensitive" - I don't think this is totally unfounded every time. But I also don't say things with the aim of hurting, so I hope other people will try to see the intention and not only the level of varnish.

The final thing I'll note as a thinking personality who is a woman is that it's even easier to be seen as wrong or unnatural when you don't fit the overtly nurturing expectations that have become part of what our culture considers feminine. Something that I have found is that if I don't express my feelings, many will assume that I don't have them, which to me seems like a very strange thing to believe about another person. This kind of judgment does spur more introspection in me, though, about how I come across to other people. Lest we all decide that feelers really are nicer people than thinkers, I've come up with a couple thoughts on ways in which thinkers might be particularly gifted to consider other people (cue bullets again):

• Intuitive thinkers in particular have a tendency to be very open-minded and not judge people for being different - the question to me is, "Why not?" Everything is up for consideration.
• If a thinker's worldview & principles encompass believing that every person has human rights, then this view that they have certain entitlements is going to be quite firm and won't easily be swayed by how we feel about what a person has or has not done or whether or not we like them.

This is all quite self-defensive, but it's been on my mind recently, so I thought I'd get some of it off my chest. And of course, if others also experience identity/society/interpersonal tensions, I'm always interested to hear about them. I think many of us have similar types of struggles.